Diet Changes

I have been having digestive issues lately and I think I have narrowed it down to being a gluten intolerance. I also want to cut out meat because I am having these issues every time I eat meat, with gluten. So just a minute ago I was trying to find food and started freaking out. I open my fridge and find a rotisserie chicken, 2 packs of hotdogs and much more that I cannot eat now. I go to my pantry and find pastas, tuna…and more pasta. What am I going to eat?!?!

I finally settled on a fruit medley and a bowl of broccoli and cheese but I am still starving. Do any of you avid readers (yeah, you’d be avid readers if I posted!)  have any good meat and gluten-free recipes?

You Make Me Cringe

As a mom I often base friendships on how other parents parent. I parent in a very hippie/AP sort of way and so it is very hard to find someone who parents with the respect that I use to parent my children.

The other night we invited our neighbors over so their daughter and London could play. They really get along and have a lot of fun so there is no harm in that, right? So the Dads went in the garage while the their daughters mom and I stayed out and talked. We started talking about parenting (go figure) and she was telling me how spanking is not working anymore (cringe) and that she was looking in to new ways of discipline for her. I recommended books that could help her to get on a gentler track. Then her daughter threw sand (she had been throwing sand all night long) but her dad noticed this time and went over to her and smacked her hand, making her cry. He then proceeded to mock her crying and say ” Oh, I know, I broke her” it was sad. It was pitiful and it broke my heart.

I just ignored it, but I didn’t like it at all.

I guess the point of this post is to ask advice. I have a few friends that immediately kick their friends out/leave if any hitting occurs in their present. What would you do? In your experience have you ever noticed a success story around spanking?

Ten Ways a Mom Can Spoil Herself While Still Being a Mom

If you are like me, getting that special alone time to be “you” is a rarity.  I never get to get my nails done, I never get a massage, or anything like that. I have learned a few tricks to “spoil” myself being a mom. I deserve it.

1.) While doing the dishes make sure to soak your hands really good, when you are done quickly push back your cuticles and there you have it, a manicure!

2.) While going to the bathroom, read a book. As long as the kiddos are not screaming and you don’t have company, you can be on the potty for as long as you choose.

3.) While the kids are in the bath, turn the sink faucet on hot and crank it to full blast. Let the bathroom fill with steam, and boom, you got a facial (also if any of your kiddos are stuffy, you just killed two birds with one stone)

4.) If you don’t have heavy kids, or bad back issues then you can lay on the floor and let your kids walk all over your back, and boom, massage.

5.) Get dressed up with your kids. If your like me, you don’t get date nights, let alone a fancy date night. So play dress up with your kids and wear your best. Your kids will think you look fabulous so you will get showered with compliments, making you feel good about yourself.

6.) Buy an espresso machine. Another if your like me…..I do not want to drag my kids out of the car just to get a coffee, and while I am aware that Starbucks and other coffee joints have added drive thrus, I don’t have that kind of money, or would feel better spending it more wisely. So I make myself a fancy Mocha some mornings, complete with foamed milk, yum!! Then, set the kids up with breakfast and enjoy your ten minutes of peace.

7.) Wish you had more time to read books YOU like? Well, as long as they are not raunchy, read them out loud. Your kids may not listen the whole time but at least you are reading to them!

8.) My friend Heather enjoys wine every now and then and has recently come to like a wine called “Mommy’s Time Out” need I say more?

9.) Sometimes a little cleaning is a good way to get away while still being productive. Make sure it’s not something you hate doing and that your kids can be distracted for a chunk of time while you are working. I think cleaning the counters in the kitchen is a good one for this. Or vacuuming, so if your kids are freaking out, you can’t hear them. I kid, I kid!!

10.) As a mom, you often have to figure out how to change the way you spoil yourself. Nowadays it will often mean incorporating kids into it. Think about what you used to love before kids and figure out ways to still be able to do it without neglecting your children 😉

Well, I hope you enjoy this and try some of these out! I now have a baby crying at my feet…….life is calling.

The New Aged E-mail

I remember when I was growing up either my mom or my teachers taught me how to write letters the proper way. I learned how to start the letter, how long it should be, my signature and where certain parts needed to be on the paper. I used to have pen pals. I used to write random letters to my family members and mail them, I wrote letters a lot. Then came e-mail. When I was learning about e-mail I was still told that I needed to have a greeting, possibly a header, and a signature. I always wrote my emails just as I did letters. Then came phones and texting (I am aware that this may not be the actual order of things but this is how I remember it). When I first started texting I always used proper english, never abbreviated for the word “you”,  never really used “lol” or “btw”. I remember I always ran out of room (your typically only allowed to use 160 characters per message) and would have to take away vital parts of my message, or just send more than one text. I would even say bye when I was done texting. Slowly I started abbreviating more and more. Now I find that I always use “u” for “you” and “b” for “be”, I am not interested in sending multiple texts for one point. Meanwhile I was always written my e-mails the same, although I have noticed that people no longer say “Dear Bob,” So I typically write my e-mails like this:

“Hello!

This is Jessica……….

thank you,
Jessica.”

As I started replying to things on Craigslist I noticed that people will respond with a few words, “no I don’t have it”, or “yes It’s available”. Nothing else is in these e-mails but that. Then the other day Bryan sent an e-mail from my account asking someone how much they wanted for a certain item he saw on Craigslist. I later received an e-mail that said “400 dollars” that was it! I had no idea who this was or what he wanted!

Maybe I am just old fashioned but this bothers me. Since when did e-mails become like text messages? So impersonal, so generic? It bugs me. Probably bugs me more than it should, but it does. How do you feel about it? Am I just crazy?

What Not To Say In a Drive-Thru

I was hanging with my good friend Salena the other weekend. We were making several trips to Home Depot and other various places because she was moving and trying to paint her new place. So after a long day of taping, and driving we needed food. I do not eat fast food and I am broke, but London was hungry so we decided to go to a Wendy’s and grab drinks and a quick bite for London.

While in the drive-thru I was struggling to find a normal cheeseburger for a dollar. They have a dollar menu and on it they have triple cheeseburgers, bacon cheeseburgers, etc. I just wanted a normal cheeseburger!! So the only logical thing to do was to ask the drive-thru attendant if they could help me. Only I didn’t just say, “umm, I am not finding a normal cheeseburger on the dollar menu, how much is a plain cheeseburger?” Instead I said, “umm, do you guys have any cheeseburgers??” At this point Salena started laughing and I realized what I said while all the Wendy’s employees were laughing too. I quickly tried to fix my mistake but it was no use.

So for future reference, Wendy’s does not have a dollar cheeseburger because it is only $.98.

Still here

I am still here. I am just wallowing in self-pity and doubt about everything that is my life. I am a good parent, I know I am, but yet I have been doubting that lately. London has been going through a lot of emotional stages that are shocking me. I have slacked at validating his feelings the way that I should so I feel like I am the reason for all of this. We never get out of the house, we don’t have many friends and so when we do get out things get out of hand. We went to a friend’s house today and London kept yelling at me and my friend and he was doing things that he never does at home. This either makes me want to stay at home all of the time, or makes me feel guilty because we never get out and that must be why he is doing this stuff. It’s hard; this parenting stuff. I knew that when I started it, but each day/week throws me a curveball and makes me feel more and more defeated than before. London is gaining       his independence, I know this, but it is all happening in ways I never saw coming.

What are some curveballs you’ve been thrown as a parent? How did/do you handle it? What is your advice on helping London through this hard, emotional stage while respecting him as a person?

Last names

Bryan and I were just talking about how we should change our last name to something cool. We were running through a list of names and went through several before finally settling on one. We thought of going with a famous person’s last name, like a famous Bryan, or Jessica but then thought that was stupid, especially because the only famous Bryan that Bryan could think of was Bryan Busby the local weather man and that is far from famous. Then we went through a list of ordinary words to use as a last name. I started thinking of “Who’s on First” and thought maybe we should go with “Who”

A conversation I envision happening with Who as a last name:

And Jessica, what is your last name?

Who?

You, what is your last name?

Who is my last name.

No, you, what is your last name?

And it could go on and on. Then I thought of the perfect one.

“What”

The future of What as a last name:

Hi, I’m Jessica What

Oh, I was just asking you what your name was.

Oh no, What is my last name.

Um, I think you should be the one who knows that.

At a restaurant:

What, party of 4.

You said What?

What, party of 4

Oh, What, right here!

Jessica, what is your last name?

What.

Your last name?

What.

WHAT IS YOUR LAST NAME?

Yes, it is.

That one is the perfect last name, perfect.  Soon, we will be the family of What.

Let’s Talk Cake

I think I can be compared to a Little Debbie cake;  A roll stuffed with jelly. I have things jiggling that shouldn’t jiggle, and are not hot when they jiggle. So I have started a hardcore workout routine to try and take the jelly out of this roll. I am doing Jillian Micheal’s 30 day Shred, P90X, and Couch to 5K. I think in 30 days I should have half the filling I do now.

The problem is that Bryan thinks I should workout naked for his enjoyment. Does he not know how that would look? The Plyometrics DVD from P90X  consists of a lot of jumping, and running. Does he not realize that I have a lot of extra stuff that bounces and jiggles when I jump and run? I feel like I would look something like a combination of the Michelin Man, and the Pillsbury Dough Boy, and you don’t ever want to see them run naked….or do you? I would rather keep that under my shirt, thank you very much. What is with men and their need to see woman run, or the like, naked?

Deer Ass

I was talking to my friend Salena on the phone earlier tonight and I had mentioned a fight Bryan and I got into. Here is how the conversation went:

Me: So the other day Bryan and I got into a fight and I stupidly said that he never does anything for me and told him that he has a 300 dollar present coming to him. I know, I know, I shouldn’t have done it but I did.

Salena: JESSICA!!

Me: I know!! So then of course Bryan started to guess what the heck I spent 300 dollars on for him. First he said a mattress (btw, it is a mattress but I denied this fact), then he said the motor mounts for his truck he’s been wanting for year. Then he guessed a deer ass bottle opener that he and I had seen a few weeks ago. I asked him if he would be ok with me spending 300 bucks on a bottle opener and he eagerly said “OF COURSE, I would have people over and show them” I reminded him that we do not have a social life and that he never has people over.

Salena: What the heck is a deer ass bottle opener?

Me: Just that, a deer’s ass instead of a deer’s head that you hang on your wall and you use its ass to open it. Pretty gross, the bottle goes pretty far in, makes you wonder how people feel while drinking a beer that’s been in a deer’s ass.

Salena:  I’d also like to add that I have my father’s gun and a scorching case of herpes!

At this point I bust out laughing because I have no idea why she said this. She is fairly quiet, maybe because she has no idea what’s so funny. I think it must be because she hadn’t been listening about deer’s ass on your drink.

Me, trying to regain myself: did you get the herpes from the deer??

Salena: What?? No! I was reading something I saw on Facebook. I guess I chose a bad time to read out loud, oops.

Yes, Salena, you sure did pick an awful time to read such a thing out loud, but thank you for that laugh.